You gotta read what high school seniors and college freshmen from across the United States and Britain are writing...
It's at least astonishing.

Awful Ethos:

"(1) Ancient Egyptians wrote in hydraulics; they lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot.

(2) The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

(3) Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led the Hebrews to Mount Cyanide, but he died before he ever reached Canada.

(4) The Greeks invented three kinds of columns: corinthian, ironic, and dorc. They also built the Apocalypse.

(5) In Greek mythology, the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity.

(6) Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He died from an overdose of wedlock.

(7) Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. He was killed by his friend Brutus and a group of senators. Dying he gasped out the words, 'Tee hee, Brutus.'

(8) The Middle Ages came next, and King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived in the age of shivery. King Harold mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings. Victims of the blue-bonnet plague grew boobs on their necks.

(9) In mid-evil times, most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer.

(10) The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt their value as human beings. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull.

(11) When Henry VIII ruled England, he had difficulty walking because he had an abbess on his knee.

(12) Queen Elizabeth's navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

(13) Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world "